I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
