She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
