Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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