ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
