So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
