Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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