he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
