If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
