So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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