i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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