It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
