He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
