I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
