Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
