Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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