Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
