I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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