I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Randomize
