i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so much tequila, so little girl.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
