ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
