I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
