Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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