There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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