It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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