So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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