Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
