theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
