did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
