My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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