god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
