I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize