4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
