I think im going to throw up on grandma
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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