Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
