Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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