mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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