How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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