Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
