How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
