You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
