Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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