You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
