I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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