Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize