"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
