wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
