I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You have to summon your inner elephant
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
