What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
