it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize