You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
