first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
