TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize