I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
