she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hippo gnu deer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
