...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
