We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
