You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
