I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize