It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
