I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
