I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
