I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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