So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
