I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
