Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
