I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
