I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
